Black & Queer Wedding Officiant in Toronto | Why Representation Matters
Rev. Krystiana Clarke and her wife on their wedding day in 2017
DETAILS
When — 2017
Where — Arta Gallery, Toronto
Catering - Yum Yum Catering - Debbie Abbondi
DJ — DJ Jeannine "JJ Rock" Bryan
Officiant - Toni Ellwand
Photographer - Yannick Anton
The Wedding I Couldn't Find the Officiant For: Why Representation Matters
Tomorrow marks another year of marriage for me and my wife.
We got married in 2017, and while I could tell you all about the details of our wedding day, there is something else about that wedding that has stayed with me.
We were intentional about who we hired.
As two queer women, we wanted our wedding to reflect the community we came from and the values we shared. We wanted to support local businesses, women, Black professionals, and queer members of our community wherever we could.
Looking back, I realize our wedding was a little bit of Love & Honour before Love & Honour even existed.
We wanted our wedding to reflect us
Our DJ was JJ Rock, a Black queer woman who brought the energy to our celebration.
Our photographer was a Black man who was the official photographer for Yes Yes Y'all, a queer and straight-friendly dance party in Toronto that we used to frequent. Having someone who understood the community, the culture, and the people we were celebrating mattered to us.
Our caterer was a woman.
Our venue planner was a woman.
And our officiant was a woman.
We made those choices intentionally.
But there was one thing we couldn't find.
A queer woman to officiate our wedding.
We found wonderful people who could marry us, but we couldn't find the representation we were looking for in the person standing at the front of our ceremony.
At the time, I didn't know that this missing piece would eventually become part of the reason I became an officiant myself.
Representation matters
I don't believe every couple needs an officiant who looks like them.
But I do believe that when representation matters to you, it should be possible to find it.
Maybe you're a queer couple looking for someone who understands your community.
Maybe you're a lesbian couple who wants to see another woman standing at the front of your ceremony.
Maybe you're a gay couple looking for an officiant who understands the significance of celebrating your marriage.
Maybe you're a same-sex couple who wants someone who will make your ceremony feel welcoming and authentic.
Maybe you're a Black couple who wants to see someone who looks like you standing at the front of the room.
Or maybe none of those things are what you're looking for. Maybe you simply want someone who will listen to your story and create a ceremony that feels like yours.
I'm here for all of it.
I am a Black, queer, lesbian woman, Metaphysical Minister, and Registered Religious Wedding Officiant serving couples throughout Toronto, the GTA, Durham Region, and beyond.
I don't exclusively officiate LGBTQ+ weddings.
I don't exclusively work with Black couples.
I welcome queer, lesbian, gay, same-sex, and straight couples, as well as couples from all backgrounds, faiths, and traditions.
But for couples who are intentional about representation, I want you to know that I'm here.
Why I became an officiant
My journey as an officiant actually began when two of my closest friends asked me to marry them.
The three of us went to the same university, and their wedding was one of those moments that stayed with me. It was an honour to stand with two people I cared about and help them celebrate their commitment to one another.
Then I thought about my own wedding.
I thought about how intentional my wife and I had been about supporting women, Black professionals, queer professionals, and people from our community.
And I thought about the one person we couldn't find.
A queer woman to stand at the front and marry us.
Years later, I realized that if I wanted that option to exist for other couples, I could become part of creating it.
So I did.
A ceremony where you feel seen
Today, when I create a wedding ceremony, I bring more than the ability to stand at the front and solemnize a marriage.
I bring the understanding that your ceremony is about you.
Your relationship.
Your family.
Your beliefs.
Your traditions.
Your identity.
Your story.
And sometimes, the things you didn't realize you needed someone to understand until you found the right person.
As a Black lesbian and queer wedding officiant, I know how meaningful it can be to see yourself represented. I also know that representation doesn't mean making assumptions about someone because of their identity.
It means creating space for people to tell you who they are.
That's how I approach every couple I work with.
I take the time to listen, learn your story, understand what matters to you, and create a ceremony that reflects the people standing in front of me.
Nine years later
Tomorrow, my wife and I celebrate another year of marriage.
Nine years married. A lifetime of memories still being made.
And I get to look back at the wedding we created in 2017 and see something I didn't fully understand at the time.
We weren't just choosing vendors.
We were creating a celebration that reflected what mattered to us.
We were supporting people we believed deserved to be there.
And, without knowing it, we were showing me something about the kind of minister I wanted to become.
I couldn't find the representation I wanted at my own wedding.
So I became part of creating it for someone else.
That's one of the reasons Love & Honour exists.
I am here for the couple who wants an officiant who looks like them.
I am here for the couple who wants an officiant who understands them.
I am here for the couple who simply wants someone who will listen, care, and create something meaningful.
All faiths, backgrounds, identities, and love stories are welcome here.
And if representation is important to you, I want you to know:
I'm here. 🤍
Your love. Your story. Your ceremony.